Another year, gone. Just like that. So turbulent. Kind of chaotic. And … strange.
I usually start each new year by taking a few days and quietly reflecting on the one that just ended.
But this year, that period of reflection is being pre-empted.
I ended the year working, I’m returning to work tomorrow, then flying east for a very short work trip two days later. It’s very different. (Is it possible to start a new year tired?)
I figured, while I’m on my couch, I’d briefly review how I did in 2023.
So, I didn’t get to spend as much time with friends and family as I’d hoped. But I did enjoy what little time I got to spend in the company of others.
I did a tiny bit of writing. But the pauses between those small spurts were much longer. (I did start regularly reading in the fall – and it didn’t take me months to finish a book!)
I occasionally did something nice for myself – a movie and a play, if I can recall. But I could have done a little bit more. (This will always be a project in progress.)
As for finding that “scene-stealer energy”? I’m not sure I did. (Maybe to someone else, I did, and I didn’t even realize it. Or did I ask for it a year early? Who knows?)
And, just under the wire, I’ve been given a fun, professional opportunity. At least, I hope it will be fun. The list of things to do feels a bit overwhelming at the moment. (Hence the reason I’m returning to work so soon.)
But, I did take a vacation overseas for the first time in several years, to Malta. The sun, the impossibly blue water and change in scenery was just the thing I needed (even if the post-travel glow didn’t last as long as I’d hoped).
One thing that was definitely unexpected was getting nominated for an award for a work project I’d worked on the year before. That was a very pleasant surprise.
And that brings me to the present.
The last couple of months — at work and just in the world at large — has been tumultuous, dark and a bit hopeless at times. It’s left me sort of drained and sometimes in a bit of a fog.
It also feels like it’s been the type of year where people around me have experienced some kind of massive life change – losing parents, losing (or walking away from) jobs, retirement, changing relationships. Even though I’m out here on the periphery watching these things happening to other people, it’s a continuous reminder that – like much on this planet – things aren’t the same as they once were (and were never meant to stay that way).
As another birthday approaches, it’s made me think about what I want the next several years to look like. Am I okay with my life as it is now, and to continue what I’m doing, to sustain it? Am I getting what I want out of how I’m living? And if my life changed – either because I changed it, or because circumstances changed it for me – would I be okay with that, and what would that even look like?
I read a couple of horoscope(s) for the upcoming year (yes, I know they’re not serious, relax), and even they are saying I’m supposed to enter some period of change, or transformation, or re-invention.
So, what now?
Honestly, I’ve no idea. For the next 6 weeks, work is playing a lead role. I simply aim to take it one day at a time. I do have thoughts floating around at the back of my mind, but change is the last thing I’m thinking about.
But I do want to take the time to write down what I’d like to see in 2024 — at least, for now:
Have another crack at taking better care of my health. As mentioned above, I did make some progress in 2023. When I carved out a routine and stuck with it as best I could, it started working. Then, I fell off. I’m not making any vows to re-start my health journey tomorrow. It’s simply not realistic for me. I’m the type of person who thrives when I have a stable, consistent schedule. When that stability returns, then I’ll give things another try.
Do more nice things for myself. It did happen, but it happened so infrequently. Let’s see if I can improve on this, to remind myself that it’s okay to do something other than work or basic life errands.
Keep on travellin’. As I found out planning my trip to Malta last year, travel has gotten much more costly. And I think I read something over the holidays, suggesting that travel is going to get more chaotic in 2024. So I feel like like I need to make the effort to see as much as I can, while I still can afford it. (No, I don’t know where I’m going yet. The year’s fresh.)
Do a better job of looking out for myself. I feel like the back half of 2024 pushed me around a bit too much and left a couple dings. Life does that, and I was fortunate to be able to talk to co-workers who helped me weather those tiny storms. But I have to try to do a better job of advocating for myself. Because no one else is looking out for my best interests.
Do not give up on writing. The struggle continues. And in the age of multiple screens, I’m more likely to pick up my phone to play games when I have some downtime, than to jot down possible fictional story ideas or chunks of potential paragraphs in a notes app. And when I’m stressed from work, I don’t immediately channel that frustration into a potential short story. It’s the furthest thing from my mind. But it really shouldn’t be.
Spend time with friends I don’t get to see. I think about all the people I’m fortunate to call my friends. And then I ask myself: when was the last time I saw them? The fact I sometimes can’t remember is a bit dismaying. Some folks, I maybe see once a year, twice if I’m lucky. Again, that’s the way life is sometimes. But when my life schedule returns to “normal”, I want to work on this.
Try to be open to surprises and plot twists. This is my yearly “note to self” to keep my expectations low, in the hope I’m pleasantly surprised (and not overwhelmed and wanting to cry) when things happen.
I’m fully resigning myself to the fact 2024 is gonna be a mystery. But will the universe gift me with a page-turner and a satisfying surprise ending, or a poorly-written flop?
I guess that will all be revealed in time. But for now, I’m off to start this year the way I usually do — with a neat, short stack of pancakes.
Loquacious D 