My Winter Cocoon

Nothing like winter to bring out the recluse in even the most gregarious person.

If you’re wondering why this blog has laid dormant in well over a month, well … I can’t give you a good reason, really.

I’ve been feeling a bit defeated lately. And uninspired. I suppose that’s what January does to some people.

But here’s what’s new with me as of late (although not much, I’m afraid) …

At the end of December, I got a spontaneous proposal from a friend to travel to South Korea with her in February for two weeks. I was taken aback – and instantly excited. Visions of plane tickets danced in my head. I even bought a travel guide …

Which turned out to be premature, since the trip fell through.

While in conversation with another work-mate, she’d mentioned possibly going to Cuba at the end of March, which once again stoked the embers of my wanderlust. That would also turn out to be short-lived.

My continuous condo hunt brought me very close to putting an offer in on a property. But that, too, didn’t materialize. I’m presently without an agent – I ended things with her about a couple of weeks ago.

Compounding said fruitless condo hunt, was unwanted mail from the taxman … which (a) resulted in a small financial setback (about five months’ worth, if my shoddy math skills are correct) in the life savings I’d steadfastly been squirreling away and (b) squashed out any possibility of going to Cuba like a helpless ant into the pavement.

So, I decided to call a time out and take a break until that issue was dealt with.

I’m also taking an indefinite hiatus from the online dating site. I can’t deal with that right now. It would probably just get on my last nerve.

So I’ve simply taken to living inside my own head, the way a crab might adopt an abandoned shell or tin can lying on a sea bed, and just curling up inside. All I do is think. About nothing. About a lot of things.

I could just let it ooze out somewhere. Write it down, like I’m supposed to. But I feel as if I’d just present the same song and dance, play the same record over and over. And you’ve all heard it before, so why bother hashing it out again without sounding like a do-nothing whiner?

Amid all this, I quietly marked my 33rd birthday a week and a half ago.

There was no fanfare, no dancing on the table. Just a small gathering of close friends (the ones who happen to have Mondays off, anyway) over a healthy lunch at a Bloor Street West cafe. I wasn’t disappointed at all about the low-energy festivities. Frankly, I was tired from the gruelling work-week I just had.

I don’t know what, but I felt something was missing. So I didn’t feel like trying too hard.

(I guess that’s the downside of having a winter birthday … unless you put forth the energy, it’s very easy to forget about it.)

I did end up going ice skating the day after, which was a bit of a pick-me-up.

But – fingers crossed – the dreary fog might be lifting a bit.

There have been a few microscopic movements for me within the last week. So perhaps while January has been lost, February could make up for it. We’ll wait and see.

But in the meantime, I’ll do my best to leave the tin can behind.

Maybe this month I’ll aim for two entries instead of just one 🙂 .