Geek Magnetism

If you thought I was being overreactive and shallow with my ranting about Shakespeare last month, here’s further proof I attract plain men I don’t mutually find attractive:

Walking along Front Street yesterday afternoon to meet a friend at our office building, I was waiting for the traffic light to change, when I made the mistake of looking over to my left into the eyes of a stranger. A mousy, thin-haired, bespectacled office-type with thin hair.

I tried to look quickly away, but not before he said, “Hi,” smiling at me wanly.

“Hi,” I said to be polite, quickly looking away. But the mistake had already been made.

“How do you do that to your hair?” he asked, orthodontic elastics stretching in his mouth as he spoke.

“I don’t do it myself. Someone does it for me,” I replied. C’mon green light, I thought.

“So it must take hours, then?” he asked.

“No, three hours. Not too bad, ” I said back, reaching my limit.

The light finally changed and we crossed the street. I started to stride a little bit, but apparently Mr. Mouth-Elastics wasn’t finished talking to me.

Mr. Mouth-Elastics: So, which team are you rooting for in World Cup?

Me: Um, none, really. I don’t really watch soccer.

MME: Oh. So, you’re probably more into hockey, then?

Me: I don’t really watch sports.

MME: Ohh … Well, you’re into arts, then. You look like an artsy person.

Me: (For the LOVE of ) Um, well, I don’t really do anything artistic … I’m more appreciative of other artists.

MME: Oh.

Thank GOD we were nearing my building when I spotted my boss leaving. I did a quick, “Gotta go, bye,” and the torture was over.

Karma, if you’re reading this: I give up. No mas! Uncle!! I’m not asking to run into models on the street. But couldn’t you just give me a little more Wentworth Miller and a little less Barney Miller?

I’m good with an iota of Ryan Reynolds. Taye Diggs? Gimme somethin’ to work with here. For serious. Help a sista out. I’m open and willing to negotiations. Just make the geek parade STOP.