I’ve been trying to write this for about a week now.
But every time I try to finish, life and work seem to interrupt … which, I suppose, is part of the theme of this post.
So if you’ll indulge me for a bit, let me get this out of my system — and I am a bit cranky, so you’ve been warned.
I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed for the past week and half.
December — which, if you celebrate the holidays, can be a stressful time for anyone — just felt more exhausting than usual.
For starters, my workplace has been going through considerable changes over the past few months. What I originally thought could be a chance to take on a little more work and improve my skills, has become a frustrating grind. It’s a struggle to keep up at times, and occasionally I’m finding it tricky to concentrate on multiple tasks at once. This could just be a bumpy adjustment period which still could turn out to be positive. But right now, it doesn’t feel that way.
I was also psyching myself up for Christmas … but when I wasn’t procrastinating, I was rushing around and running errands. And it was also holiday party season, so I felt like I was pushing myself to be social – even on days when I wasn’t in the mood and preoccupied with all the tasks I had to get done before Christmas.
Then, add several days of jury selection to the mix. In hindsight, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it definitely threw me off schedule.
So I’m currently having a bit of mental fatigue. I’m genuinely wondering if I’m mildly burned out.
In an ideal world, I’d take some sort of leave of absence. But as a household of one, and with the cost of living continuing to rise, the economics to do so isn’t really in my favour.
So, how to deal?
Well … I wanted to start the year with a self-imposed social moratorium (excluding a previous commitment) for a week or two — just to collect my thoughts, rest and recharge, and re-organize. I need to start taking care of myself again, so I can get my act together. Perhaps this might be something I’ll have to do more than once this year. But we’ll see how this month goes.
Speaking of re-organizing …
From time to time, people ask me from time to time how my apartment is. I mean, it’s still in a good location, and it serves its function by giving me shelter and the things I need on days I don’t have to go out into the world. But when I look around, my surroundings aren’t exactly inspiring. A more fitting word would be “underwhelming”.
Recently I came across this skit (on one of my favourite late-night programs), and it’s giving me a bit of inspiration:
I like the idea of a safe space, of being able to escape the harsh, tiresome world — in real life or online — by turning my apartment key and opening the door to my own little oasis.
If you think about it, that’s what your living quarters should be – not just the space that holds your crap but your home and, what’s more, a safe space or an oasis.
Of course, part of having an oasis or refuge is having a space that’s relatively clean. I started 2018 with my apartment looking like this:
If cluttered spaces denote cluttered minds and cause stress, then it’s no wonder my apartment looks like what happens when mild anxiety vomits up Christmas.
Currently, it looks something like this:
Slightly less crap, but still very much a bit of a hot mess.
I’m not looking to redecorate (yet), but I think de-cluttering and purging, a bit at a time over the next little while, would be a practical start in helping me decompress.
Even putting on my big girl pants, getting on my knees and scrubbing my oven and fridge would probably make a world of difference.
If I’m going to be a little less stressed, then perhaps coming home to a cleaner space would help me decompress.