My Personal Rethink

A couple of weeks ago, my Maclean’s subscription arrived looking, well, quite different.

Titled “The Rethink Issue”, the magazine took a look about people who are trying to use their ideas to change the world – everything from theoretical physics to public education to politics.

The issue even when as far as literally printing the magazine sideways to make its point visually. (This also helped make it much easier to cram into my bag for subway reading.)

It was definitely intriguing to read some of the things discussed in the magazine. And it got me thinking.

No, not about changing the world. (Although it would definitely make life – and this blog – more interesting.)

But it, once again, made me think about the state of things in my own life.

I’m not suffering. I’m in good health. I’ve got a roof over my head, (reasonably) clean clothes on my back, food in my stomach, a job which hasn’t let me down financially, and friends and family around – whether they’re 10 feet away or accessible by the click of a mouse or tap of a keyboard.

So what’s my big, fat problem?

Probably the same ones I’ve had for months. Complacency … and how to get out of this funk.

Living at home is taking its toll. The condo search isn’t really going the way I’ve hoped. And a couple of conversations with people have been making me do some serious pondering and coming to a realization I’ve been stubbornly fighting. Since then, it’s almost been like I’ve been going through something akin to the seven stages of grief.

Meanwhile, the job is taking an even worse toll. Despite the four-day work week, I feel some of the days are getting longer – a bit too long for my liking, considering how far I have to travel back and forth. I feel angry and frustrated more often. Not even the (needed) overtime is helping soothe the seething and general lack of desire to do my job.

I not only don’t like my job. I’m merely putting up with it.

Despite the nice moments up until this point, I feel like 2010 is pretty much a wash. And I let it happen. No one else is to blame. It’s just hard when you don’t have a crystal-clear vision.

Right now, all I have to work with is a two-sentence, six-word mantra, repeating itself over and over in my head.

So I have to try and deal with that constant chanting the best way I know how. Mentally map it out. Then try and execute it with baby steps, one step at a time.

I don’t know how exactly I’m going to attack this. But I definitely need to go to the chalkboard in my mind, wipe the slate clean, and start writing out a new equation for my life, for the next six months or so, from scratch.

And I need to do it soon.

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