So Yeah, I Caved.

So, earlier this year, a friend of mine suggested I  join a dating site for “practice”. 

And, just shy of nine months later, I have broken down and joined one.

It was a bit of a tough decision. Ever since the early days of online dating, I have been DEAD SET against joining one. And you can bet I have been judgy about it.

I was – and still am – a huge snob because I like fan of The Organic Meeting – hanging out with people at house parties, social functions, sitting at pubs, on patios, whatever.

But it took hearing from friends about someone who is going through something similar, to make me realize that I need to get off the Couch of Complacency and actually explore the other side of singledom.

So after crawling out of bed Saturday afternoon, and puttering around for a couple of hours … I sucked it up, went to the Web site my friend recommended, and created my profile by early evening.

In the space of 16 hours, five people have e-mailed me – the first, a mere 20 minutes after I finished my profile.

It’s a bit overwhelming for me, to say the least – trying to keep up with all the e-mail correspondence, gauging whether or not to e-mail them through personal e-mail, and what not.

I’m also just trying to get comfortable with putting myself out there and answering questions asked by complete strangers. I keep having to tell myself, they’re just questions, they’re just trying to get a sense of who I am.

(And of course, also telling myself, stop judging their poor spelling and sentence structure – it’s the person behind the effort that counts.)

One guy I’ve been e-mailing actually asked me at one point, “Are you single?” (I’m pretty sure I selected “Single” on my profile … Hoo, boy.)

I mean, it’s only in the preliminary stages. For all I know, I could have a coffee date at the end of the week.

Or not.

I am also trying to prepare myself mentally for going on dates with people I may not mesh with.

I just want to go at a not-so-breakneck pace. Unlike some of the people on this site, I’m not going partner/spouse-shopping.

Perhaps I’ll meet someone cool in the process.

Or maybe it’s just good practice for when the person I really want to get to know, is finally free and clear … whomever that may be.

8 thoughts on “So Yeah, I Caved.

  1. Some suggestions:

    – Skip the guys who can’t spell or write. That’s a deal breaker for me because I really do believe that it says something about a person – and what it says isn’t good.

    – If someone asks “are you single?” then they are either really nervous or they are a dog. You don’t want a dog, do you? The fact that you’re single ought to be a no-brainer – unless it’s not a no-brainer to the person asking (they are used to seeing people on the side).

    – Keep the initial dates short. Have an out. If you meet someone terrific then you’ll have all the more reason to see them again. If the meeting is torture, you’ll be thankful for the out.

    – It’s totally ok to have standards and it’s totally ok to tell someone via email afterwards (if they contact you again) that you didn’t sense a connection.

    – Don’t knock it too much. I know a few people who are married to a person they met online.

    – Have fun.

    And don’t be afraid of the 20 minutes guy – it just means your profile is at the top because you logged in recently. If you stop logging in, your profile will sink to the bottom of the pile and you’ll get fewer responses. If you want responses, keep logging in.

    Good luck! 🙂

  2. dicampbell says:

    Thanks for all the advice, guys …

    I figure this will be the “weeding out” period – once I get to the “coffee date” or “first date” stage, I’m sure I’ll know right away … if it gets that far.

    And Phil – strangely enough, the “20 minutes” guy seems the most genuine of all of them. Plus, he can also write in complete sentences using proper punctuation :P.

    I’m not looking for anything serious … but who knows, right?

  3. karmicangel says:

    I am sorry Phil, I don’t agree…

    1. Spelling? Seriously, with all the things that need to mesh between two people, we are judging BAD SPELLING as a deal-breaker!?!? Uh, no. I vote no. Bad breath, yes, spelling errors, no big deal.

    2. The single question worries me more…. why ELSE would you be on a dating site? Why is he?

    3. Good on you Campbell, I for one am both proud and curious… I will require updates!!


  4. Allyson says:

    You will update us on the results of your on-line dating “experiment” right?

    As for the bad spelling thing, I am married to a terrible speller and, although it bugs me sometimes, there are definintely more important things to focus on. However, I do also agree with Phil that bad spelling and grammar can be a sign of a host of other things.

    Being an English teacher, I can’t tell you how often I am right about the type of personality/ work ethic that a kid will have just by looking at their spelling and grammar on the writing task I give on the first day of school.

    Obviously there are many exceptions, but there are also consistently notable differences in the spellers and non-spellers.

    Good luck.

  5. stine says:

    Oh, for godsakes, who cares about spelling?! I really don’t think you can judge someone on their spelling, and especially NOT their personality. There are intelligent, hard-working, and creative people who for some reason can’t put their thoughts on paper without all sorts of spelling or grammatical errors. (For various reasons, including learning disabilities)

  6. dicampbell says:

    I appreciate all your input, and – at least for now – no, I am not judging people on their spelling.

    My focus – once I can focus, since work is presently getting in the way – is weeding out the guys that send an e-mail that basically says, “Hi, how are you?” from the guys that say more than that.

    As I mentioned, work is eating up a lot of my time, so I can’t dedicate as much time to the online dating thing right now.

    If I have a funny story about a disastrous meeting or something, I’ll likely post it. But I’m not chronicling my dating “adventures” (if there ARE any) here.

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