You know it’s the holidays when you get e-mails from people you haven’t heard from in months – perhaps even years.
I got two e-mails last Saturday.
The first was from a friend of mine who’s just gotten back from travelling around Southeast Asia for the last several months.
I used to have the hugest crush on him, and when I found out he didn’t feel the same way, it hurt. (The summer does strange things to my brain and my ego, seriously.) But it was for the best, as it always is, and I’m totally fine.
He’s in town for the next weeks until he takes off to his next destination: workin’ out west to earn some money for business school.
The other e-mail I received threw me for a bit of a loop.
In the early days of this blog, there was a dude whom I referred to only as Shakespeare. To me, he emanated weird vibes from the start.
As the story goes, the burgeoning acquaintanceship got way too weird for me, so I cut him off. I blocked him on my IM list, I didn’t e-mail him. Nothing. The last e-mail I got from him – which I responded to – was at least a year ago, I think.
The e-mail was short and full of holiday greetings, along with the line, “I hope you still remember me.” (Unfortunately, I was thinking.)
It took a few days – plus some counsel from a friend of mine – before I brought myself to e-mail a reply, in the spirit of the season.
If I don’t sound sincere about it, it’s because part of me is extremely wary.
I mean, I pretty much eliminated contact with him for a reason.
And with everything I’m trying to straighten out career-wise and otherwise, and all the good friends I DO have – who DON’T make me feel weird – I don’t particularly feel charitable about expending time and energy on someone I found I couldn’t be myself around, who made me put my guard up because of the way he or she acted around me. Know what I mean?
Perhaps I’m not being fair. But that’s just how I feel.
How do I know that what’s in the past, is simply that?