I’m not going to get into the particulars what fuelled what I’m about to write.
But all I’ll say is this: this morning, I got an e-mail with respect to something that I posted about recently. And all I want to say is this:
I’m weary. Nay, TIRED. Of being written off by guys. T-I-R-E-D.
I’ve been dealing with it most of my life. I was the girl who never dated in high school. Or university. I’ve always been the Friend of the Girlfriend. It’s a supporting role I know well. Be upbeat and quirky. Crack jokes. Befriend everyone. That’s my personality.
But there have been one too many times where I’ve met guys – irrespective of whether I like them or not – and later on in our friendship, I find out that they actually kind of liked me when they first met me, but didn’t do anything about it. Didn’t say anything. Didn’t try to get the message across. Nothing.
Putting myself in their shoes – which is where I feel I am right now – I might understand why. Who the hell wants to be rejected? Really, it’s the worst feeling. Like being punched in the gut, or having someone grab a hunk of flesh and twist it as tightly as they can.
Or maybe I’m just as oblivious as they are and they’ve been trying all along – I just didn’t notice.
I so far know of two people who have come out and told me what they felt. One I dated briefly. The other I thought was crazy weird. But I will never fault them for being honest. They’ve been the only ones.
Today though, I was a bit stung. No, I’m lying. I was very stung. And then I became angry.
I don’t think I’m the most attractive woman in the world. Or the smartest. Or the most charismatic. And I don’t consider myself a wallflower.
I kind of pride myself on not chasing guys. That’s just not me and it kind of makes me feel weird just thinking about it.
But, it seems, apparently being chill and low-key isn’t getting me anywhere.
Maybe I wish some guys – or at least the ones I’m attracted to – would man up.
Or maybe I should just woman up.
I know this’ll subside. Someday I’ll laugh about it (apologies to N.E.R.D.) , but right now? Hmph.
Here’s the song in question I’m talkin’ ’bout. (It probably doesn’t fit my situation. Or maybe it’s the angry beats that do it. Anyway, I LIKE it.)
P.S. This may disappear after a while. I hope not. But apologies if it does.