Le Sigh.

I’m sure it’s the dog days of summer really setting in, but I’ve been feeling restless all week. It’s like my brain, amid all this self-inflicted panic and worry, has decided it can’t wait three weeks for my vacation and decided to take a bit of a mini-vacay for the time being.

But I know that’s not the only reason.

Remember Real Nice Guy? I’m sure he has something to do with it, and I’m hoping it’ll pass soon. In case you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, read this first to refresh your memory.

Here’s what’s happened – or not happened – since that last post:

A week after the night my friend – Birthday Girl # 2 – and Real Nice Guy hit it off, a small group of us, including them, went out one night back in June (for North by Northeast) ’cause his roommate and their band was playing.

Even though I knew what the score was, I was dying to hear it from the horse’s mouth. She hadn’t said a word about it since that weekend.

So a bit later on in the evening, when she and I went to the restroom, she gave me the Coles Notes version. They went out a few days after the “magical” night (which apparently involved them talking until the wee hours of the morning). She says she liked him and vice versa. But …

But?

Apparently the confidence he’d had with a few drinks evaporated a bit when the two of them were sober. And so she got the sense that she’d intimidated him a bit, so she was playing it cool for the time being.

So, there I had it. Or so I thought.

We listened to the band in the packed room. “We” being myself, and Real Nice Guy. Birthday Girl # 2 and our other friend retreated to the bar to sit and chat. That was pretty much where they stayed the rest of the entire set.

The plan after that was to go en masse to his place and hang out there. But my friends were still talking, and they said to me, “Oh, you can go ahead. We’ll catch up.” My face was like, “are you sure?” and I said as much, but I then I thought, okay, whatever. So off I went with the rest of them.

Back at his place, a group of us were just hanging out, drinking and talking. Soon a couple of African drums came out, and away they went. I tried to learn how to play, but I was embarrassed at the lack of coordination and stopped after awhile.

Sometime later, my friend called Real Nice Guy and talked to him for a couple minutes.

Then he passed his cell to me.

She told me she and our friend wasn’t coming … and that she decided that she wasn’t going to pursue anything because of what had happened earlier in the week. She added, “I think you’re more suited for each other. So you can get to know him better and chat with him until sunrise.”

???

I don’t think I processed what she said at first. I left a little while later (but not before getting one of the warmest hugs ever. Sigh).

The following day, I wrote her back. Eventually she responded: yep, she said what she’d said the night before.

But then I started feeling weird about the whole thing. I mean, deep down, I’d wanted a crack at him. And then when I didn’t get one, I got frustrated. So when I had that conversation with my friend (Birthday Girl # 2), it was as if I wished that things wouldn’t work out and then it actually happened. So in my mind, it almost felt like it didn’t happen fair and square.

My big hang-up about it was the age gap between us. He’s not the older one of us two.

Even my other friend who was there that night out at NXNE, was telling me on other occasions that she thought that he liked me … and that I should do something about it.

Then I started feeling really weird about it … maybe I was just nervous … and I think I stopped liking him because of that. I remember him inviting me to something a few weeks later. Then I got sick, and by the time the event rolled around, I didn’t even have the strength to go.

Fast forward to last week. So Real Nice Guy decided to have another party and invited me. So I said sure, since I was feeling loads better. I didn’t think anything of it until I read the invite again.

He was going travelling for a month and wanted to hold a shindig and stay up all night so he’d sleep on the long flight over.

He’s travelling? I thought. And then I felt a twinge. I thought it was my envy at his impending adventure. But after a few moments it kinda felt like the one I felt the night of the party back in May.

The Twinge.

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